Family Drama

Our family, on a Saturday morning in PJs, recorded the opening 90 seconds of Goodnight, Captain White. (Click and chuckle.)

Using a program like Audacity, you can record everyone all together, or you can, like I did that morning, record in little chunks. The latter works well when your actors can’t read. And with fewer overlaps in the recording you’re freer to move lines around and make rhythms your ear wants.

After recording, we downloaded some music for the start and for background, and we made the sound effect of footsteps using their wood blocks.

This was lemon squeezy.

Here’s a script. Read along as it plays.


FRANK. Well. The Captain looks in perfect health tonight, wouldn’t you say?

ABIGAIL. Yes, I would, perfect.


RICHARD. Would you.

FRANK. Sorry?

RICHARD. I would say he looks like a trout.

ABIGAIL. Lovely.

FRANK. A trout?

ABIGAIL Frank, dear, some of the guests are leaving, let’s see them out, shall we?—since Uncle’s gone upstairs.

FRANK. By all means. Please excuse us. And, do help yourselves to the uh—oh, I see you have, yes. Well. Mr. Crowninshield. Miss Muchmore. [leaving] A trout? (FRANK and ABIGAIL exit, murmuring)

PENNY. What kind of trout?

RICHARD. Doesn’t matter.

PENNY. No? I think it does. Makes it more interesting. Details. Give me the gory details.

RICHARD. The only detail that matters here is the belly.

PENNY. The belly?

RICHARD. Yes, the soft, pliable white underbelly of the fish.


RICHARD. The trout is floating—belly-up.

PENNY. Yes, I see. [Noises off, ABIGAIL and FRANK bidding goodbye]

RICHARD. Have I frightened you?

PENNY. No—well, yes of course Richard, but I’ve cut myself on this little clasp, I think.

RICHARD. Bleeding, are you?

PENNY. Well I can’t tell yet. Perhaps. Will it need a bandage?

RICHARD. Let me see. [Goes to examine her hand] I don’t see a cut.

PENNY. You’re right of course. It’s nothing. Tell me, why did you come here?

RICHARD. Because I wasn’t invited.

PENNY. But you were–there was a note in the Gazette. You do read, don’t you, Richard?

RICHARD. Only obituaries. Of men I’ve killed.


RICHARD. Shocked?

PENNY. Have you?

RICHARD. Killed?






Frank Knapp: Me

Abigail Knapp: Yelena

Richard Crowninshield: Wyn

Penelope Muchmore: herself


History Alive, Inc., is seeking comedic actors for all six roles in the play, which will be directed by Sarah J. Mann.
AUDITIONS will be at Salem’s Old Town Hall on February 19th & 20th at 6pm, and February 21st at noon, with call backs (if needed) that evening.
As this is a stylized whodunit comedy, all ages (18+) and genders are considered for all roles. The play is interactive and relies frequently on improvisation; actors should be comfortable with physical comedy and improv.
The production dates are 3/31, 4/1 & 4/2 at The Hawthorne Hotel in Salem, with an additional weekend TBD over the spring in Marblehead, MA. Additional performances could follow if desired. Actors will be paid a stipend for rehearsal and performances.
For the audition, please prepare a 1-2 minute comedic monologue (preferably classical, but not required), and be ready for cold-reading from the script.
To schedule an audition please e-mail with your name and preferred audition time.

Captain White – “May your first child…”

“And may your first child be a masculine child.”

Brilliant Friends, I’m trying to sell 30 tickets to my play, Goodnight, Captain White, at the Hawthorne Hotel—end of this month. This is a benefit for Saltonstall School, where many small people I love attend. The show will feature the school principal, Mr. G, and several teachers and parents, as The Deputy.

The dates for this run are March 31, April 1 & 2 at 7:30 p.m.
(Buy tickets here: )

If you can, please attend on April 1 or 2, and save March 31 for Bryan Parys’s event and book release at the Cabot Theatre.

Here’s a further diversion:

The Goodnight, Captain White script pilfers lines from films, plays, TV shows, and short stories. For the next week or so, I’ll post one of those lines here each day. If you recognize its source, be the first to identify the title. The big brain (“on Brett”) who first identifies the most titles gets a free ticket to one of the April shows, courtesy of my very deep pockets. (No company or cast members allowed—and I’m sure you all won’t cheat… Right, Crowninshield?)

We’ll start with the “masculine child” quote above. Where’s it from?

Love and thanks.

-photo by Social Pilates Photography. Featuring Lauren Feeney, Arielle Kaplan, Zack Reardon, Matt PerusseChris Martel, and Will Martin